Thoughts

Blogging at this moment, could just tell how troubled I am. Maybe. It has been quite awhile and I seem to have forgotten how to love someone and care for that person while heartedly. I'm so stuck with my expectations and my desire for love. I could only see and feel that everything is just slowly drifting and fading away.

Yeap. I agree. Four years of relationship is not easy to come by. Yet I really don know Wat I can do now to salvage my feelings over my thoughts or vise visa. =( Nothing has happen. It's just me complexing myself all the time. Always wanting to compare how sweet or caring A could be with how others bf are to them. Yet I'm always telling myself that A is just different from other guys. He is just not expressive ba. So I will have to do some extras to be an extrovert in order to get certain things done. However, I got lectured for over doing things which he deems to be unnecessary. I really don know what else I could do anymore.

I try to change myself yet I got condemned because of it and lost connection with my friends. =((((((( I guess if he happens to read this part, he will said "then just talk to your friends lah! 不要为了我而失去了朋友！don lose contacts with your friends because of me." sounds alright? Yar I do agreed that this reply sound fair enough. But I always assumed that he is just being sarcastic and angry for making that comment because he sounded so unfriendly and not nice at all. Did I told him off about his tone? I did and all along I am trying to convince myself that this is his style. But being such a sensitive women, how could I tell myself that he is speaking nicely to me! I did let him know my assumptions towards his tone but sometimes his reply was what else you wan me to do. 真的是哭笑不得。This answer just shoot right onto my face! LL lor~~

I know....It's very very contradicting! For instance, when I tried to keep things low and not attending any of his activities. He doesnt seems to be bother about it and I think he does enjoy the moment. So I stayed really low and he was furious about not meeting up. Hello. I'm at home and I'm not out having fun. You are otherwise.

Also sometimes, things need to be planned and corrected. Being the one who see something is wrong, I have to make certain comments abt it but my words are not taken serious or in fact doubtful to him. Hence, (to me) he don even bother to listen. Yet some others who actually commented with similar replies, he actually responded and acted to it. This, I really don understand what it means. Taking me for granted? Or he just under estimates my abilities? Loves could really blind people = I meant it for myself.

Till here, I have no idea Wat the hell I'm talking about. Everything so mess up and crashing down onto me. First thing, I don really like to post about how sweet/fanciful/awesome my relationship is (yes, he is my first bf) because I believe that such things could fade away and are temporary only. They wouldnt last long, even if so it could disappoint me more in the future. So why should i even be positive about the good stuffs since they could only last the happiness for a short while especially towards love. Honestly even before getting into a rs, i really dislike boys, men. I don trust them at all. To me, they are just most untrustworthy creature on earth! I strongly believe that women could do so much more and better! Still im changed. =.= lol!!!!! But not my mindset and which is why it has caused so much troubles in this rs. Plus my family issues. Hai... Life will never be that or even smooth for me.

One main reason: BECAUSE IM SUCH A PESSIMISTIS. But I could still understand (know sounds more appropriate) why girls like to share their lovely stories, for memories.

Now I'm so dead. I don know which step I should or could take now. Everything seems and feel so different now. =((((

p:s: just a sadist post. Yet I just have to pen it down.
p/ss: they are my point of views, probably something I must have overlooked. So I don mean to judge him or even us. Every relationships are just different.
p/s: lay low or not to lay low. (In other words, stay attentive and concerning or not.)


Loves, wena