Emotionally wrong.
I always envy others in many ways.p/s: if you are interested, just take your time to read wats going on in me.
I use to tell them to others.
Some scolded me, others agreed with me, being frank with me.
But somehow i still felt that i doesnt belong to anywhere. In this post, im not trying to be emo, or sentimental. I just wan to voiced out everything in my heart now.
I am proud to say im in this relationship with Alex. PPl who already know him in person will know that he is not the bad guy type. Though he seems to be fooling around not getting serious, he still thinks and plans a lot. Just that he doesn't sees a need to tell the whole world. Instead im some sort of person who will tends to COMPLAIN THINGS THAT I DISLIKES and I FEEL THERE'S A NEED TO MAKE A FAST OUT OF IT.
Thats me. On the other side i don see a need to say things, i find it no point unless if i explode.
In this post im not trying to emphasize how good my RS is progress, how far we plan to go, trying to tell the world that we are tgt or how my life is. I blog because i wanted to tell my readers that every activities i went, I did enjoy myself and hows my emotions are that particular day. I guess even my friends knows MUCH MORE BETTER THAN MY PARENTS. ALL I JUST NEED IS THE SUPPORT, TRUST AND UNDERSTANDING THAT THEY CAN GIVE ME-US. THAT ALL I NEED.
Im sorry if i blame you guys for not being an sightly above average income group. *Im not even any average income group cat. for your info.* Don just judge me by the stuff that i owned. Most of them i worked for it and just by my OWN MONEY TO GET them.
I am a very dependent person. So hard and stubborn that i don wan to ask for any help. IM A LEO TOO. In add, i just don like the feeling of asking help from ppl because i will feel guilty. =( Thats the reasons, i don asked help from others. I only complains and gets really really really emotional!
Friends:
THANKS SO SO MUCH EVERYONE FOR STANDING BESIDES ME ALL THIS WHILE. SUPPORTING, ENCOURAGING, FIGHT, COMPLAIN, NAG, TEARED, BLEED, RUN, SWEATED, SLEEP, BATHE, LAUGHED,UNDERSTANDS, ABUSED WITH ME.
I know there are ppl always supports me. I know!
Friends love.
*Im not comparing my RS love and FS love tgt. They are different. Each of them play different pillars and role for me. I am a person who also treasure relationship with anyone and see it as a important task in life to maintain all of them.*
Relationship:
Im doing well with alex. I LOVE HIM. Just this simple feeling, really makes me feel energized when even im. He dote on me so so much. He is like another pillar for me to rest on and being a less dependent girl - women to be in my life. He care for me so much till i don know how should i react to him. I mean in my heart there is nothing i would do to replace his love for me. Even though i really don know how much he can love me, i really do felt the love i had ever had. A BGRS i should say.
Ppl might say that im stupid to fall so deep for someone and neglecting my family. I can say im not. Now i really hate to go home so much. They just don understand my feelings. My mum can stalk me by bombing my phone everyday at 8pm asking every details i can give her. I know she cares a lot so as do my dad. I know they love me as much as alex. But Their love only makes me stress. Which then leads me to think about how "pathetic" my life can be.
Of course. This is only comparing of my own life. I know there are others out there facing much more tragic situation as me. Here again, im emphasizing my life. Thats all.
My mum and dad are old. Their thinking are rigid. Im not blaming them. In fact maybe im in the wrong cause i don report to them. But being a 21year old, is there really really a need to report everything what i do?Okay at times i still did tell them.
THEY WILL SAY COME HOME EARLY LIKE SAY BEFORE 11. WTF?!
Curfew is it.
And my mum is trying to break A and me up. WTFA.
Why cant she just accept the fact that im with him already. And its been 2.half years already.
Also if i am planning to get married, i can only do it when both my Bro and sis got married. WTFS!
Parents:
I know they really care a lot for me. Parents are all the same unless otherwise.
Ever since im with A, i admit i have been going out with him much often than my parents. This happens after he ORD only. Of course i did spent equal times with my friends. (if they doesnt clashes)
1. My parents are always busy working ever since im so young.
2. Both of their timing doesnt meet.
3. They never plan for any family outing ever since my dad became a taxi driver. (yeah he is)
4.My mum is just a hardcore cleaner at home. And Never EVER wants to go out.
5. They somehow don see a need to spent one day of the week going out.
So every since then im being alone, find things and making my life happening.
Going out with my friends most of the time in the past as we are much more slacker than now. Till then going out with Alex.
They never say much when comes to friend. But Alex, MY MUM WILL NAG NAG NAG GIVING ME 30 MISS CALL in half an hr. As if im like having sex with him in the cinema?????
We are always out with friends what can we do? Why cant she thinks that if when im out with my gfs, im having group sex with them all till the morning???
Im not saying that my mum hate A, dislike him. She is just worried that i too close with him and not spending time with her. (MOST OF THE TIME SHE DON WATCH TV AT HOME. Like i said hardcore housewife.) She worries that i get married too soon and no one will take care of her(money case). OMGNESS!!!! Now she is finding things to start the nagging. Eg." you go out don need to study for your sch ar? Arent you complaining stress, still have the mood to go out? Where got ppl studying one, keep hanging out and not home by 1030?."
I seriously don understand why she said this "topic". Maybe an excuse i should say.
Money:
I said im not even the average income gp cate. If friends who really knows me, they will know some details of it. Im not humiliating my parents here. I just wan to voice out that all. I know this is really wrong. But rather than exploding everything out directing in their face, i choose to post it here. (Maybe im hoping they could see or know this - via someone letting them know how i felt)
Note: this are all my viewpoints only.
Im a money saver person. In my whole entire 5 years sec school. I never took 20 bus ride(per trip and not for&back) to sch from my house before. I WALKED every single day unless otherwise too. I had my first HP when im in sec 2. And some BLOODY IDIOT stole from me when im having my netball competition. F. him seriously. (somehow i know who was it) ITs over.
I always worked hard to get some bursary awards at the end of the year. And in total i earned close to 2k from the government. In addition, i save a lot. $4 per day. I can not have my much just to save the 4 bucks. Till something happened during year 4. And i gained weight from the incident. Damn that person too. Also, its over.
Imagine how much i saved though out the 5 years. And i did some temp jobs.
I brought my first hp and paid my own bills ever since then till now. Before this im using prepaid card. My dad did "borrowed" some of my savings back then which can be count rill 2k. ( im sorry to make you feel ashame. I know is norm. Its fine with me initally. Because as a daughter we should help our parents out at times right.) And then was when im still so naive, not knowing whats the reason behind it.
Then during my poly years, Im lucky enough to know kenneth. I got notes from him and not buying my notes. Likewise, I work hard and got nearly 4.5k from poly. I paid all my bills, my transportation, my books, my expenses (80%). Of course dad still give my allowance. Now 10 -20 perday. 10 bucks for me to save. I can spent none in a day or just 5 for lunch, unless. Till end of 3 years, he still did asked from me.But there was once he won lottery, quite an amt, so he borught me samsung omina. And sponsor us oversea. (that's good at times)
However the fucking ugliest truth that i found out, really did pissed me off! I guess most aged guys in geylang will do. Worse he spent money going oversea with that "thing" twice and the longest was 2 weeks. WTFCB. I HATE GUYS WHO CHEATS!
Was to sneak out and eat, pls just wipe your mouth as clean as possible before coming home.
You never know your young daughter is so good at figuring things out. Digging out evidence to prove everything.
Once a good dad in my mind, just gone. I wonder this home is just continue because they wan me to have a place to stay. If not they might have already divorced. Plus, my mum is a super introvert person and she is the sort of women will take everything. even if her husband were to cheat on her. Thats wat i know. My mum still doesnt know a thing. I use to hint her. But she answered "Are you stupid?! If divorced, where i stay?!"
Watever it is, its over. GUYS ARE JUST BUSTARD WHEN THEY ARE OLD. but cant blame them, their wife just doesnt satisfy them well enough. *I should say majority. Maybe 1 out of 100 wont?"*
So now im still paying my bills, transport, notes + insurance. Remembered my bd. I paid everything except for the cake sponsored by dear and chalet my bro. Eventually i need to pay him back.
Here's the truth part:
Mentioning about my bd. I cried that night is not because im touch. Im just so stress and angry and SO MUCH DISAPPOINTED.
1. my bf helps me to bbq the whole night not resting.
2.No one is helping me though out only bf, sis, some.
3.Im not being respected that day.
4. I felt so lousy.
5.My parents never helped out at all. Only driving and sending. Not saying about the drinks sponsored by my dad though.
6.Friends all put plane.
The worse part was my parents. They never helped me out much. Not even once asking me how was my preparation before the chalet even start. Bloody nice one was, my mum said she DOESNT WAN TO GO. as she having some lesson that night. They never hug me or give me anything. Not even a angbao. I know i own them a lot. Wasting spending their money during my growing up years.
I earned my own money to buy things that i wan. Camera, tables or so.
I never and not going to asked much too.
I JUST WAN THEM TO UNDERSTAND TO KNOW AND TALK ABOUT IT.
I wan to tell them everything of this so much so much. But i cant, I have no privileges to do that. They wont listen, or even when my dad got angry he might just bash me up. I cried so much when typing and recalling all this especially my bd.
I own A too much. Pls don feel stress or bad that you never care for me. In fact you did a lot a lot already. Remember you are always the one who ask me to fight back my rights.
Im trying, but this doesnt mean im rebelling my parents.
I
JUST
WANT
THEM
TO
UNDERSTAND
THAT'S
ALL.
im asking
too much to even continue.
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