Juggling the Sohs

Goldfish.

p/s: This post is dedicated to someone whom I love so much.

p/ss: I couldnt find any other ways to express all my feelings which i wan him to know and someone to enlighten me if im at fault. Im really lost now.

Woke up with both swollen eyes, totally looks like a goldfish this morning.

Cried a shit out of me last night. Something is really wrong. Really really wrong.

Is either me or others. Im always pondering about why things goes wrong? WHY?

To be honest, i feels that im always the one who gave others troubles and always the one to pick a fight for really nonsensical stuffs. Yet every fight, you need two parties to be involved then you called that fight/quarrel. Like what people use to say, you need two hands to clap in order to produce sound.

Yeap. True.

However, each party usually could only see their own point of view.

This is us. I guess.

I felt that I have given in, maybe you are thinking the otherwise.

You wants me to trash everything out to you, I did really say the feelings deep down from my heart.

Yet you ended me with really harsh words.

If you don mean it why bother to even say it. To me, you said that means you're really tired and sick of all these shit and wants to end everything. There are several problems growing from within already and our reasons to each other are just explanation and not solutions. Did you realized that?

If so, thats good. Otherwise, the problem will always be there. ALWAYS.

Living in a totally different world could make our life even more difficult.

I really tried to get into your world but seems like Im (usually) not invited in and resulting to invite myself there? Do you know how uncomfortable the feeling is when i knew that you don even wish me to be there. "maybe im just a spoiler or wet blanket" - but see this is one of the problems.

Freak this shit... I delete the whole chunk of words that i have typed out. I see no point to even post it here. Watever it is, i just hope you can really really really understand and listen to me.

Im different from those girls, thats why i don understand and i don like it but yet you are not even getting it or doing tiny bit of change. Thats why the problems still remain. Destruction by its seeds.

Don tell me to understand. I tried but i cant.

Then, don tell me not to understand because its better for the both of us.

See this is another problem.

I tried to understand, i tried to get in but i really just don get it and felt so unwelcome. You, on the contrary, asked me not to understand and you never even tried to understand. (running away?) Thats why problems are always unsolved!

I never want to give up this rs, but you don seems to even bother about making slight changes. I know its hard but did you try? I really don see it.

You ask me not to compare with others, but honestly you also did compare us with others.

Years of accumulations, not coming out with with any consensus our problems will always be here.

xx wena xx