A 80's Singaporean Girl Transition

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Hello People!

Its already April! First quarter of the year is going to pass by 'that' fast now! I would like to pen down some personal thoughts that have been plastering me, probably its me who likes to be this paranoid at all times. Whatever it is, please do let me finish it here if possible.

Disclaimer: This post will be lengthy and naggy. Probably I have repeated some, posted on the blog but still do stay around if you are interested with my story.

The Transition (education to career)

Right. I have unofficially graduated from NUS in December 2012 with just a passed degree only. I do know the 'importance' of obtaining at least a 2nd lower class honors or so (in reality check). Yet Im not pursuing another 1 year of education because that 1 year is much more important for me to gain working experience than gaining knowledge. I have been through a (slightly) longer way to get to where I am now. Rather of gaining anymore knowledge in these 20 years of education, which I have learned to study, memorizing for the sick of passing or in another words scoring for all my papers. As well as facing those Typical Sinaporean competition (peer pressure, family competition - which child(ren) is the most capable and smartest, with the most recent issues with FT competition). 

Okay so.....

Abit on my background first:

I was from a lower middle class (or even lower) family, parents are not educated nor they own any businesses. They are just like normal adults working with a total household income of 2-2.5k per month. They are from the kampong kind of generations, so the adults conversations are usually in hokkien among the families. I was brought up in that way too, listening to dialects and not of Chinese/English sub. Neither anyone to guide or educate me. So all along that could most explained why my languages are very weak. Hence, my grammer and vocab sux even like now writing this post.

I do have to admit the fact that langages are not my forte and definitely it not because of one's background. I could work on them to better if I want to or be even more diligent. However, otherwise. HAHA. I know my forte is talking, mathematics and drawing!

During my pre-schooling years (nursery, K1/2):

As both my parents have to work in order to support the family, they sent me to a day care kindergarten   in the morning and fetch me after work. Life was really tough for them. I can sense it yet I was till very mischievous and not sensible. So my process in the kindergarten was average, probably slightly higher than average before I 'graduated' from there.

Then to Primary:

These years seems so vague yet vulnerable to me. I cannot remember how i spent my hours in school and the next half day in a after day-care centre. As usual, due to work my parents have to sent me there so I will be taken care of and at the same time having tuition, where teachers will be tutoring us. Back in those years, CCA are not important at all or otherwise optional (redundant). Whereas studies are SUPER important for the kids and the adults as well. Why adults?? They will start making those shitty comparisons among their students or children. Yes. I do know they want recognition about how well your kid did, how many awards they achieve....blah blah blah and non-stop! REALLY! You will find out in abit. So after all the criticism and sarcasm, its the KIDS who receive the most and all round tortures!

So I was CCA-less for 4 or 5 years till I was 'granted' to join a particular CCA from my student care. Oh well. Didnt enjoyed much of my schooling childhood during that period of time because we had to report back to the centre on time everyday. Who say school is fun? Its just so stressful in primary school already! (I doubt this current generations will enjoy as much as I do.) Plus my results from good to average to lower than average as the years passed. Kenna scolded, nagged, caned, punished, etc. Wat's worse than scolding was the mental blackmailing from all adults around me.

When someone score higher than me:"See XXX score 54 marks, You leh? 50 only? JUST PASSED? Bloody hell is it?! STUPID!" 

When I score 4 marks higher than XXX:No comment / "only 4 marks only! You think a lot ar?! Better buck up! Don come and hao lian with me!" 

When XXX and I failed the test:"Bloody hell! FAILED! You play somemore lah! Everyday knows how to play only""XXX also failed wat~""Don come and compare! You is you! XXX is XXX! You fail the paper leh. Later final paper cannot pass how?! !@#$%" 

When adults comparing their children in front me:
Wa. Your girl got promote to the next level or not? Then what position she obtain in her level? This subject got band wat?

When I want to learn some skills say music:
"Your school work cannot cope. Results average. Still dare to fly??"
"Moment of thoughts: Dishearten. Direct rejection. Not even a chance given for me to explain"

When adult asked me to solve a maths question:
Not being provided with paper and pencil, so I did a mentally calculation while staring on the worksheet and keep mum. That aunty said "Aiya! You don know what lah! Go away!"

That was the ever worse point of my life! Bloody hell! Then don ask me in the first place since you belittle me please. You trying to jeopardize my mental rights, at the same time testing me if I am smarter than your kid si bo! I assume it is. Scheming adults. So at that age, I swallowed all negativism, criticism and sarcasm.

At the end of it, I scored average for my PSLE that could only allowed myself into NA stream. After the results were announced. My MUM was over the top, furious and utterly disappointed with me! I cried like mad, bite myself because I felt so useless, not that I could not enter into the express stream where all my peers are able to. Rather why is my mum so worked up of me entering NA?? Its just an additional 1 year of secondary, which to me is an advantage for slower learner like us to prepare ourselves and score even better for O levels. I didnt care how well my peers did, at the time, I only know that I passed and will be starting a new level, meeting new friends and really understand and enjoy my schooling life as much as possible because I not longer being restricted to a day care centre. No reporting back, higher allowance and more freedom to wat I want my life to be like.

In short: My Primary year - being mental disconstruct by adults. We kids wont compare results that much.

Entering to Secondary:

So my mum forced me to apply a neighbourhood school which is walkable distance from  my place. Most of my peers I have known were there too and eventually I got enrolled in there. Subsequently, my mum got over it. My dad was neutral on the other hand. No stress on my school results and everything. Just wish me well thats he wants. Then somehow, I "gain conscious" from my reality dreamt. I understand, feels and knows what I want exactly for my secondary life. I was super nerd in my first year and super entu and volunteered to be montior. LOL! HAHAHA! My friends were like wa~ (wayang qween then). We were all friendly and nice and sociable. 

So my mum stop the idea of how well you score blah blah blah. Instead it was myself who is striving hard to work for the better. Definitely there are competition among friends and within oneself. But I know that results will just spoil friendship why bother so much and be behaving so OBVIOUS that you are competing with your friends. That's really really childish. If you wan to compare or compete just do it is discreetly lah. I really got some haters like this for that 4 years but we are still friends. I wonder like why also. LOL! 

There are really way too many competitions shooting here and there but I didnt take it seriously because it just so tiring to compete and compete and compete. When are they even gonna to stop!? So I told myself that I want to enjoy my 'secondary life' as well as obtaining good grades. What I meant by enjoying my secondary life is being active in CCAs, events, making new friends and participating activities available. Yeap and I am glad that I did that. Gradually, my timetable was so packed by then. For the last two years, I was busy with my Final Year Project ( design & technology) and so the last year I told my friends that we must go wild for the last year. Just whack! HAHA! Like a crazy bitch in school. There were times we even stayed in school to rush our prototype till 7pm and others like revision till 9pm? Those days were fun with all the friends around to joke and hang out with!

So I ignored all comments made from relatives as their children were in express streams. I really believe in karma so they got theirs and so ever since they are much humble now. Oops! Another thing is at this stage of life, you will realised that teachers are also behaving as one ass too. Some teachers are just showing (way way) too much bias against me. I hate them. So I scored quite bad for that particular subject during Os. WTS right! Stupid move indeed. One of them even lectured me in front of the whole class for sth which I did not make. Bloody piece of shit. Anyway, I dragged myself to attend her classes and finish her work. Eventually, I got it over and ignore this broken piece.

Additionally, people are becoming more self-centre and scheming. For instance:

When people asked if you have study for the test:"Haven lor! I only study chapter 1-5 only. Die liao this time." Ending up they scored the highest.

When people asked you for help with a question:
"You wait ar......." wait and wait and waited and no response. 

Don bloody hell waste our time waiting. If you don wan to teach, just say with your mouth.

When people ask you to help share tips or notes:
"I also don know leh." 

when they actually do know the tips. On the other hand, if you don know / know, they will spam all you every single day to ask you if you got study this or that or got tips or not.

When you asked for help please be appreciative:
YYY Asked XXX: "hey you know how to do question 1?"
Replied XXX: "blah blah blah...."
YYY replied: "orh orhhhh...... thanks ar. *with the skeptical look*" *turned around*
YYY asked ZZZ: "you know question 1?"
Replied ZZZ: "blah blah blah." *same answers*
YYY replied: "orh... Like this ar. Then confirm correct. Thanks!"

When someone needs your assistants for a question:
"hey! how to do this question?"
"There you see ar. This one minus that one. Then that one plus this one. Then divided by the one. Like this lor." 

Freaking hell! You thought what? This one that one. Like that don ask you better, waste people time only!

In Short: my secondary school - fun, exciting, challenging. Even thought we are adolescent, still there is a need to ignore those irritating competition/attitudes from peers as much as possible. They do you no good in the future, so you can shape a better future for yourself.

So if you are still here with me reading this. I like to thank you for your effort and time! So means you are interested with my story? So far did you experience any of this as well? I wonder how these batch of generations are doing in school? Does this sort of cultures still be seen?

Tertiary Years:

So I manage to obtain about 11cap (after CCA deduction) L1R4. Got into a course which Im most interested in. Typically, there are some particular ppl asked my parents how I did for Os on the actual day when the results were out, some even called me and asked. Really feels like hanging up the phone when I heard her voice. I told my mum to answer and say that Im not home and yet to report to her. LOL! My results allowed me to apply for the last few Junior College but I know I would not make it for A levels so I drop the idea.

The irony of the situation is we have all went into different courses, schools or whats more industries, there are still some idiots still competing about the overal GAP! OH MY GOSSSSHHHHH! Its such a major turn off! Fucking hell done with that lah.

Okay side track a bit when I applied for this course, my families are really very objective with my decisions and everything. Girls in the marine industry is a taboo thing. But it not that important to me becuase the modules are what I really loves in. So I hard headed went applied for it as my first choice. Btw all my choices are engineering followed by architecture.

So I brought my "to enjoy life and study" attitude to this stage. What could I say more! I love the 3 years! I love my friends and life! But only for one particular person who seems to be outcasted by so many I suppose. She is just unbearable to look at. =P

Participated in so so so many activities and know so many many friends throughout. Though now we hardly contact lah. HAHA! Did well in my studies and hence got myself into NUS. So proud of myself and my families were too! As well as meeting many beneficiary people that have assisted in my life! Thank you thank you so much! If you know whom i referring too, yes! its you!

However at this stage people are much more scheming than before. So better be careful! 

So was the karma as continued. =X

 

University:

Finally........ Achieved a good GPA and entered a local uni. Majored something that is so much different from my previous course. Have to deal with english langage throughout and honestly, I struggle through these years yet gained many insightful experience and knowledge to different perspectives in life. Im more active in politics and social problems now. AND I would like to say I lost the happier me during these 3 years. It is not easy. =X

Parents have been very supporting since, not putting in stress with school work but probably stressing me on other personal issues now. Life cycle lah. So anyway, my major kinda disrupted my thoughts. I have become even more paranoid EVER! =(

So right now, its comparing about whether you could enter into which uni. So tired of all this shit. I felt so annoyed with my parents telling me about XXX or YYY or ZZZ entering sim or smu or ntu, etc. I told them, don share with me all these stuff. I am not interested at all. I mean like they just want to share but I really cant be bother with whoever, than those Im really concern for. Because getting into a local uni is like really a "big deal" as the market now is changing tremulously! Especially with people like me who are from the lower middle income group, so you could support your loans and daily supplies needs. 

Then for me, I find it really hard to mingle with my faculty mates. The culture is so much different from what I expected and hence I took years to immune to it. Still could not adapt well in my last sem. But I am really lucky to meet several nice peers who have encourage me throughout and drag me to school everyday! Especially the lady who was there for me!!! I really really wants to thank her so much much much! if you are reading this. ^^ G*

All these people have just covered up my bad experience encounter with three JCs (not being "status-ist" here). They literally boycott me from projects and even stab me from the back by informing the TA that I did not contribute. LMAO hao bu hao! They stopped me from doing any work please. I know my language was not strong when I have told them about it. Plus when they asked where Im from (poly), they showed that "ooh... ermmm. okay" face. Yar lah so what. I also come from a Chinese background family, I don speak English sub at home. Then you all condem me? Good job!

The irony thing is when I saw one of them around in school, I actually waved and signal hi to her. LOL! Omg! So foolish! Can you guys guest how she responded?

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She saw me and looked away with a 'yuck' face.

HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA!

Its over anyway! HAHA!

Uni Life is so much different from Sec, JC or Poly.
You have to be really independent, I mean for my major because it is something you could only learn through understanding and not just memories. I am not sure about other majors though. Could be both understanding and memories or just memories. I believe Engineering is more on practices.

So now its all about job job job. Looking into which industry and position. For me, I know what I wants and my life to be in the future. I have been picturing them so much! That is making me so stressful now. I have been waiting for this company almost coming to a month now. Have yet to have any response so I am still waiting for their final decision to be make by next week!

PLEASE SHORTLIST ME!!!

PLEASE SHORTLIST ME!!!

PLEASE SHORTLIST ME!!!

PLEASE SHORTLIST ME!!!

PLEASE SHORTLIST ME!!!

Anyway, I have been sending out and sent out many many many countless of resume yet no response at all! =( So dishearten now............ It is really me the problem or its the economy? I have emailed through all job portals, even agents and applying for HR, admin jobs that needs diploma or lower qualifications  Stating my expected salary 2.3 (nego). Yet there are still no responses. Holy...... I don think I am picky because I send in to many different industries but still no chance. Yet news have reported saying that up to 90% of NUS graduates would obtain a job within 6 months, some before they graduates have already secure a job. I wonder if they do see the minority groups? I don know. But what I do know that the problem is either me or the economy. #Firstworldworriesandwoe.

If you asked me why I would be want to further my studies because reality and my ability want me too! So I did not regret the decision made 3 years ago, but I regretted not having much fun and enjoyment in school and hence lost the "me". Worse, my major made my brain goes "lunatic".

Moving onto the topic of "looking for jobs". There are still some who likes to compare how much you earns, what industry you are in, what position and the attitude of "how could you even got that job when your specialty is not in that industry?". Really really buaytahan!

Experiences that I have encountered like:

"how much they going to pay you? Whats your certificate? No honours right? Its just a passed only hor?"
"What industry? Reputable anot? Got pay you a lot ma?"
"So wat industry? Position? Huh.... You got shortlisted?"
So what if I am shortlisted or not. There will be training session for newcomers, so it doesnt matter if your specialty is related or not in that industry.
"You like to go for interviews? My child super likes it, so can learn something from each interview"
LOL! Why why why? You trying to tell me your kid very li hai?? Good lor. I don need to 'like' and go for interviews because Im born to be. LOL!!!!

Seriously..... enough........

I believe it wont stop here. Few years or probably now, there will be some other comparing about your child's other half. Where they work, what education level is, rich or not, pay high or not? BLAH BLAH BLAH! BLOODY HELL~ After that what can we compare? Let me show you....Who will get married first? Who give birth first? Whose child is the smartest? and the education cycle repeats again. I will not want my child(ren) to go through the same as me. I want to be supportive as much as possible and at the same time taking care and concern for my parents is the main deal for me. However, one thing for sure nobody would compare.... who will leave first, in other word - die. Right? *roll eyes*

In this society, reality forces us humans to be so materialistic and care so much about monetary. There really will be hell in the next few years, because people like me who is the Singaporean graduates, with neither talent/skills/good grades nor income(silver spoon) will definitely cares so much about salary just because the cost of living is too unbearable and they cannot forsake of not listing a lower/underpaid expected salary amount say like 2.3k. Hence forsaking some other things that are so much more valuable and losing our Singapore cultures. With the influx of FT, there are so much competition waiting and completing for people like me even though they could help boost our economy, there is still a risk of us losing our jobs or not finding one. If otherwise, an underpaid one too.

Im really trying to be optimistic but somehow the reality is making me to face all pessimistic issues and hence brought negativism energy to me - everything seems to be against me. So I conclude that the problem is me. Maybe?

I hope not! I know what I want in life and how my life to be in the future.
I have been picturing since I turn to my consciousness state in reality but blur/lost my way during the past 3 years because I just cannot wait for everything to be over ASAP! I am semi-consciousness now while typing this lengthy post. Till the end of it, I am now picturing my present and future. Everything has been really fantastic during March and I want April to be too!!!!

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE,GOOD AND BETTER IN APRIL!

If you have follow me up to here. Thank you so much for your time reading something that may have caught your thoughts of interest. To summarise, I born in under the lower middle income tier with an average intelligence level with just that I work harder to prove those who belittle me in the past and able to achieve what I want and have too. Though not as fantastic as many other who are above me, I know I tried and hope my parents are still proud with me and be more encouraging with my decisions. One thing I would like to add was since young whenever I have any award achievements, they never once attend the ceremony. I was really disappointed back then but bo pian (no choice) they have to work. They only attended the most recent one would be my poly graduation ceremony but I was too busy attending to my friends and i neglected them oops! =X Come to think of it. =XXX So people who are in/at the same position as me, go all the way! Hard times will pass, just work hard and enjoy life to the fullest and and ignoring all the negativism!!! 

Wish me all the best. ^^
Loves, wena